At Evoke, We Don’t Have the Answers--We Have Something Better!
I recently took a trip to the East Coast and Canada with our Co-Founder and Executive Clinical Director Dr. Brad Reedy. On this week-long journey, we met with numerous programs, professionals, and parents and Brad presented at least 16 hours of teaching. What struck me as I witnessed all of these encounters is how people wanted—needed—answers. How should I…? What do I do when…? What would you say…? How do I get them to…?
Boy, could I relate to that need.
Just before this trip I faced needing to hold a firm boundary and to speak my truth with someone in my inner circle. It took me two weeks to do this. I’m a slow processor. I need pause, and I need to take a breath.
I was terrified to set this boundary, I felt bad. Holding this boundary felt hurtful towards this person, I felt guilty, shameful and scared. My body was shaking, sweaty and trembling (my somatic responses that I’m trying to recognize and understand!). I reminded myself, this boundary is my truth, and is to take care of myself. I questioned, is it to control the other person or hurt them? This was not true.
So, I shared and set my boundary.
For a moment, I lived in this blissful peace. I DID IT! Look at me go, I actually felt great, and knew that’s what I wanted to do. I took a deep breath of relief, a small smile turning up my lips with pride.
Oh, but wait – the boundary isn’t always accepted.
Quickly the response from the other person was push back. They denied my boundary and used their love for me as the reason I should give up my truth.
And so again, I felt like a bad person, felt that I was hurting the other, shameful, guilty and conflicted. I was scared to hold this boundary again and so instead I found myself wanting others to provide advice and answers.
I asked my husband, what should I do…? How should I say…? Do you think I should…? He simply validated my struggle, confusion and pain, and stated he didn’t know the answer. Upon reflection, this was a great response but at the time this was not the answer I was seeking and I was unimpressed.
I knew I had to repeat my boundary and go through the painful, exhausting cycle again. I found myself asking what I heard others ask time and time again during my travel with Brad. If this is the enlightened way of thinking, why does it feel so foreign? Why does it feel wrong? Inauthentic? Bad?
What I took from Brad’s response to these questions was that when we show up in this new way, it goes against our programming. We are typically taught to be a certain way, to be good. To be there for others and likely to put their needs first. We lose our connection to being a Self and in turn when we step into being one it feels different. I also imagine our childhood wounds are flaring up in this new way of being.
So why am I telling you all this?
If you are considering working with Evoke because you have a child in crisis, a struggling adolescent, a young adult who is stuck, you’re feeling lost, or whatever else your circumstances may be, I feel it is important to share that you will be supported by a company that encourages its own employees to do their work too, to look at their own dents, and to walk the journey with you of becoming a Self.
Evoke will offer you a new way of thinking, and a shift in perspective through the tools we provide. Though this journey of Self can feel never ending and exhausting, what is magical about it, is that it can go with you everywhere and adapt to all relationships in your life! As Brad says “I don’t write to teach you things you don’t know. I write to remind you of the things you have forgotten”. The answers are in you!
Posted by Jacquie Onslow
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