“Sugar and spice and everything nice”—in the wilderness?

Posted by Dr. Paul Goddard on April 11, 2014

Does the question ever come up: “is my lil’ girl too delicate or fragile for the woods?” Great question! Girls (and women) in our society are often portrayed as weak, defenseless, helpless, and above all, vulnerable! In a recent Second Nature blog post Sabrina Hadeed explored the vulnerability and strength of young women (Girls Daring Greatly: Elements of vulnerability and strength in a therapeutic wilderness setting). I believe that her post opens an extremely important conversation about the value and power of a wilderness experience in the lives of young women. I propose to continue this discussion forward as we examine how society’s beliefs are crippling and marginalizing young women, and the role that wilderness can play in restoring dignity and identity. I invite YOU to join in this conversation.

Is a wilderness experience “too harsh” for young women? Let’s take a closer look at this question.

I will forever remember the “precious princess” who, on her first night in wilderness, exclaimed with great dismay: “I can’t sleep there! That’s the GROUND!!!” It was remarkable to see her a few weeks later as she confidently and competently cared for her parents during a visit to the field – cooking for them and preparing a place for them to sleep (on the very same ground). Young women, some of whom have never done a “chore” in their lives, are challenged to master the basic tasks of self-care and group cooperation, producing an amazing surge in their confidence and self-efficacy. Conversely, what is the message, albeit unintended, that we convey to our daughters when we believe that they are too fragile to “endure” a wilderness experience? I fear we communicate that “I believe you are too weak and too incompetent to do hard things!” I object! I am frequently impressed by the intelligence, resilience and strength of the young women who make the journey through wilderness in “Group 4.”

More important than my beliefs and perceptions, however, are the words of the young women who have “survived” a wilderness experience:

“Actually, funny story, when my parents told my brother where I was he panicked because the only ‘camping’ I had done was with girl scouts. He said something along the lines of ‘You can’t send (my sister) there! She’s gonna die! You have to bring her back!’ They told me this story the week they came to visit me in wilderness and by that time I was thriving there and even loving it. My brother doubted me, and my parents gave me the chance to prove I could do it, and I did so better than even I expected. People learn to adapt to their environment, even lil old me who had limited experiences with nature when I started out.”

“Sometimes the things that you think you might be too delicate for will make you the strongest. Being a part of nature will mentally, physically, and spiritually allow you to be a stronger person. Being put out of your element allows you to grow as a person. When your comfort levels and boundaries are put to the test you are able to truly see who you are as a person.”

“If she’s too delicate and fragile, why are (parents) even sending her in the first place? She must have been defiant and oppositional or mean or something to even have her parents consider the option of wilderness so my bet is she’s definitely tough enough for it.”

“If you are willing to change and are motivated to change, you will fall in love with wilderness just as I did.”

My favorite advice to a parent or professional who is considering a wilderness intervention for a young woman:

“Your little girl is stronger than you think she is, you just have to give her the chance to prove it to you and herself!”

All of these statements came from young women who believed themselves to be far too fragile for wilderness when they started the journey, but left the woods KNOWING that they were BMWs (Burly Mountain Women). Fear not, these women have adjusted very well to society, but have done so with strength, determination and clarity that they could hardly have imagined prior to their wilderness experience.

Science also continues to challenge the historical belief that women are the “weaker” sex. Time and again the power and resiliency of women is proven to be remarkable – even down to their more stable genetic structure!

I am profoundly troubled by the images that are so often prescribed by society regarding femininity and what it means to be a young woman in the current era. Teen girls frequently learn that their “value” is based solely on being a sultry, seductive and sexy ornament for the “man” in her life. I find this image to be profoundly destructive! I object! Who am I to object, given that I am not, myself, a young woman? I am a person who has been profoundly impacted by my experiences and my mistakes. I am determined to do what I can to make the world a better place. One of the most powerful, intelligent, competent and caring individuals in my life is my younger sister – she is my hero! I wish for every young woman to find this same hard won power and confidence within herself. I deeply appreciate the work of Jean Kilborne as she challenges society’s and media’s images of women in the “Killing Us Softly” series (the third is my favorite) and in other videos and publications (http://www.jeankilbourne.com/).

I invite comments on these thoughts, as I challenge the idea that young women are too fragile to benefit from the opportunities that wilderness provides. Opportunities for deep self reflection, intense discovery of strengths and limitations, and profound examination of character. …and to the young women of “Group 4” I say thank you. Thank you for your strength, courage, determination, sensitivity, love and caring that so frequently inspire me to search for these same qualities in myself!

* Paul Goddard received his Ph.D. from the University of Missouri-Columbia in Clinical Psychology, with specialization in Child and Family. Since that time he has worked in both residential and outdoor based programs as a therapist, clinical director and executive director for some of the nation’s premier programs. He has chosen to return to his “first love” to work with the “kids” as a field therapist for Second Nature. His experience and training include work with trauma and abuse, attachment issues, depression and anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse, learning difficulties, attention deficit, oppositionality and self-esteem. He challenges students to “find that which is best within and to express that inner strength to make the world a better place.