Our Parent Visit Seven Weeks Into The Program

Posted by Evoke Therapy Programs Parent on August 09, 2016

The embrace was tight and strong. Then I realized he was trembling. When I heard the sniffle I realized he was crying.

“I'm sorry dad. I'm sorry for the things that I have done to you. I love you so much.”

When the reuniting started this way...I had high expectations for the visit. My son had never displayed that kind of honest and heartfelt emotion with me. It's going to be difficult to get you to understand how overwhelmed I was with the change that I saw in him but I will do my best.

He had set up a welcoming ceremony for us which consisted of several items (trees, manure, a hole in the ground) connected by small paths of rocks representing the transitions he has made in his life. It was beautiful and displayed a great deal of insight and understanding. We were then led back to the group, where the staff and clients held an introduction ceremony and we ate lunch. We played a game called pyramid, after
which we split off with him to have some time alone together. He explained to us that some clients spend nearly the entirety of their parent visit away from the group and it was important to him for us to meet his friends, to see what his days were like and to be part of the group, and I think he did a great job of balancing those two parts of the visit.

Much of our alone time talking with him centered on his accountability for his past actions towards us. He was quite embarrassed and horrified looking back on what he'd done and said to us. He was amazed that we could still be so supportive of him after what “he'd put us through”. He wanted to develop a better relationship with me and was hopeful that I would be able to reciprocate that, which of course I was. He repeatedly
expressed understanding that we may be skeptical and felt that we had good reason for it. He shared a gift for me of a small stone of what looks like black granite. He explained that stone like this forms from lava that cools slowly rather than obsidian that forms from lava that cools quickly. It represented that our relationship might have started later or a little more slowly...but it could be just as beautiful.

We shared a session of hard skill work and busting with the group. I got some really good smoke for a first timer, but was not able to bust a flame. We were fortunate enough to get video footage of my son busting what counts as his 4th flame. When I watch the video, I can't help but see a very different young man. Gone is the inattention, lack of focus and impatience. He caresses his nest gently as if there are actual baby birds in it. He then gently blows on the ember with wisps of smoke that he had placed in the nest. He does this for nearly five full minutes before the wisps coalesce into thick streams of smoke and then the dance of yellow flames on top.

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My son was very attentive to our needs for the entire visit. Always filling our water for us, or picking up our trash to LNT. He cooked us a remarkably tasty meal of R&B on torts with the camping stove we were provided by the Evoke staff. He also cares a great deal for many of his fellow group mates and loves interacting with the field staff. He repeatedly expressed an interest in pursuing a career with Evoke and has developed a newfound love of and deep connection with nature. In recent weeks he has apparently displayed a great deal of leadership in his group, and in the most recent renumbering, voted on by the group, he was voted as #1, which represents the member most displaying leadership. For this and his recent water phase feedback, he expressed a great deal of joy and pride.

Our family session with his therapists was powerful. It included an exercise where each of us created “family sculptures” to represent our past, present, and future. This was very interesting as well as challenging to perform quickly on the spot. Overall the session was excellent and insightful. My perception was that they had seen some real growth and improvement over the last few weeks and probed and challenged his self awareness, which to me seemed greatly improved.

While saying goodbye was always going to be difficult after such a powerful and emotional visit, I now have a great deal of hope for my son and his future. In my opinion, the combination of incredibly passionate and caring field staff, insightful, professional and clearly knowledgeable therapists and of course the backdrop of the wilderness creates and fosters a small deeply bonded community that quickly mirrors relationships elsewhere in the client's lives. The chores of daily living in the wilderness foster cooperation, responsibility, accountability and conflict resolution. The p-time for writing and assignments gives ample time for self-reflection. Even the language that the group speaks with lots of acronyms and representative words, as well as the structured communication of standing groups, checking in, and feedback helps to foster a great bond as they feel they belong to something. This helps build the emotional safety of the group and allows the clients to feel comfortable sharing some very sensitive things, which can only accelerate the progress that they make.

My son repeatedly told us that he felt we made a great decision sending him to Evoke, and is excited to proceed through the program. There was zero remorse or disappointment. He understood that it was a difficult decision, but reassured us it was the right one. He is clearly more content, self-aware and confident. He shared multiple vulnerabilities. His self-esteem is the highest I have ever seen. My experience during the parent visit was that we did make the correct decision in sending him to Evoke and for the first time I have great optimism regarding our relationship, his relationships with others and his own personal growth.

Comments

Thank you so much for sharing. This brought back so many memories for us. I remember our visit with our son (Dec 2015) like it was yesterday. He too was so attentive to our needs and such a different person. He was mature, he was not afraid to show emotion and he was confident in who he was. I was truly amazed by the staff in the field and was in awe of the work they performed. Words cannot explain how I felt. They boys were not afraid to share in front of us. It was real, it was raw and I felt privileged to be able to witness what took place at Evoke. Oh, and the best part...when I was leaving, I was crying and I apologized to him and he looked at me and said, don't apologize Mom, it's okay. You are showing me how you feel.

Posted by Stephanie Storch

Great story I find it so inspiring to read these stories.
My daughter is back at evoke and I found myself crying while reading this not because I was sad but happy and full of hope

Good luck with the journey of the. Heroic parents

Posted by Paul delancellotti

Thank you! That was beautifully written...

Posted by amanda redwine

I cried reading this... this was so much like our amazing parent visit. One of the best experiences of my life. A memory I will cherish forever.

Posted by Tina Brewer

Thank you so much for sharing! Your post brings back many great memories. Both of our son's went to Evoke, the 18 yr. old graduated from Entrada in June 2018 and the 15 yr. old graduated from Cascades in August 2018. Our entire family feels that Evoke is one of the very top programs out there, if not the best! We will be forever grateful for Evoke (and Dr. Reedy's podcasts!)
When our 18 yr. old left Evoke, one of his first comments was,
"EVOKE IS THE BEST MISTAKE I'VE EVER MADE!"

Posted by Tonya & James Biondi

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