Hurt. Learn. Grow. Feel Better. Repeat.
I think we, as a society, have somehow arrived at the doomed belief that parents are supposed to make their children happy. And if that’s the emotional goal of parenting, then that’s it. Done deal. Failure. Because life is hard. Painful. And every path out there will hold heartbreak and sadness. It is impossible to protect a human being from it. Ultimately, part of what makes us human is trying to make sense of our experience. Springing from this search comes art, literature, music, and a multitude of ways to connect to others. It’s the beauty and challenge of being human.
A question I often get asked is some version of, “Why does my kid keep lying/exaggerating?” This question crops up when parents are relaying what has been so hard at home, in the midst of hearing a story their child told me in therapy, or when they hear about interactions in the group. This question is often accompanied by some level of frustration or anger and bewilderment born of betrayal, sadness, and--at times--hopelessness that this new habit can shift.
Each week I come into the field and, as I walk into the group, I usually have a number of dirty teenagers clustering around me. They approach at varying speeds and rates of enthusiasm, but almost without exception, they pause what they are doing to come over. I am their therapist and they want to talk to me and tell me about their week, yes. But I am also the letter carrier and Tuesdays are mail days—the one day of the week when therapists bring out letters to students from their parents and immediate familes.
One of my favorite times of year in the desert is monsoon season. From mid-to-late summer there are almost daily thunderstorms and monsoons. The sky is wide enough that you can watch storm clouds roll toward you for an hour before they are overhead. The sky goes from bright and sunny to ominous and dark grey with a purplish tinge. Right before the rain hits everything seems to still, and then a slight breeze picks up that cues the downpour. The rain hits the ground with enough force that you can see tiny impact craters in the sand. The water often runs over sand and rock and creates washes as it flows downhill. Thunder and lightning crash and light up the sky in an elemental way that makes you very aware of your decision to be working outside.